Strike a pose. Be yourself. It's your best look. Believe in yourself. Don't forget who your friends are. Never forget yourself. Love with all your might. And always wear your best smile because someone loves you and your smile lights up their world.
Have your off days your're allowed. But remember that one the days when you're smiling, do so with all your might because you could save someone with your smile. Remember that yes, you may feel unloved, unwanted, and misunderstood, but there is always someone who adores you, wants you and understands your every thought.
Sometimes people make mistakes, they make wrong choices or they hurt us. Look back on the times ou shard with that person, the conversations, laughs, hugs, and maybe even sometimes, tears. Do you really want to lose that? If you think about it, is one fight, disagreement or wrong action enought o destroy such an amazing friendship or relationship? Thank about that next times someone does you wrong.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Friday, December 10, 2010
Untitled
Masks of Beauty. Masks of Hope. Masks of Passion. Masks of Pain.Masks of Fear. Masks. All masks come with different fronts and different designs. Different. But all in the same place doing the same thing. In you. Hiding, shielding, and protecting. Hiding your true self, who you really are. Sheilding the emotions you feel everyday. Sheilding fromt the looks the give you, glances of pity and unwanted sorrow. Protecting. Protecting yourself from everyone. Protecting yourself from those who you do want near you but even more those you don't want near you. Your mask doesn't come alone though, your mask is accompanied by a wall, a wall think as steel and higher then the sky, a wall that is around your heart. Your wall has no windows, and no doors. It dares people to climb over it or to try and break though. Most people run, some try and climb but eventually give up. Some attempt to break though but then things don't go their way or aren't easy they run. But some, some special people climb up and over, break through, and take care of the mask, seeing the true person behind the mask. Behind the masks of Beauty, Hate, Passion, Pain, Hope, and Fear. They see the dudely, gun-loving, horror-movie searching, car loving, spitting a flaring tempered person I am. You never know what you'll see when you climb over the wall and remove my mask.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Removing The Mask
Welcome to A masqurade:
A young girl wearing a mask of red, black, and gold. Hiding who she really is from everyone. Yet unable to hide from one person. The one person, the only in her life who doesn't wear a mask, freely telling people and showing people who he really is. He catches her attention and she catches his. He watches her, with her mask, sealed tightly to hide her true self, but he sees through. Little by little breaking down her walls and pealing away her mask. Wanting her to show her true self the parts of her he loves. She's afraid, afraid that is she removes her mask and breaks away her walls, he'll see what others want to see that she is a freak and not worth anyone's time. She tries to remove her mask, but she can't do it, from pleasing other people and not wanting to let those around her down, the mask is stuck. He tells her he won't run, that he won't see what others do, that he sees her. He reaches up brushing her cheek with his hand and he places his hands on the mask, and she gasps as the weight it removed from her soul.
As he Removes The Mask.
A young girl wearing a mask of red, black, and gold. Hiding who she really is from everyone. Yet unable to hide from one person. The one person, the only in her life who doesn't wear a mask, freely telling people and showing people who he really is. He catches her attention and she catches his. He watches her, with her mask, sealed tightly to hide her true self, but he sees through. Little by little breaking down her walls and pealing away her mask. Wanting her to show her true self the parts of her he loves. She's afraid, afraid that is she removes her mask and breaks away her walls, he'll see what others want to see that she is a freak and not worth anyone's time. She tries to remove her mask, but she can't do it, from pleasing other people and not wanting to let those around her down, the mask is stuck. He tells her he won't run, that he won't see what others do, that he sees her. He reaches up brushing her cheek with his hand and he places his hands on the mask, and she gasps as the weight it removed from her soul.
Friday, November 5, 2010
Every Single Broken, Damaged Little Peice
He sees her laughing with her friends, and his heart melts. He wishes he had the courage to walk up to her and just lay it all out on the table and tell her how he felt. But he doesn't, instead he watches her walk away smiling and joking with her friends, as his stands alone. Day by day he sees her, wishing he had to the courage to ask her, but he doesn't, instead he watches some guy take part in a bet with his friends, that has everything to do with him 'claiming her'.
Later that day, after school in the nearly empty hallways he sees her with him talking, she is smiling, and he is smooth talking, all the while his friends are standing off in the distance high-fiving one another and laughing, knowing their bet is going to come to pass soon. Some of going to win money because of her and some will loose some, but either way she'll be the victim in their vicious game.
The next day he sees her with him, hand in hand, her smiling uncontrollably, him? Well, he is only parading her around near his friends, showing that he won the bet, and by the end of the week the bet would be finished. Watching it made his heart ache.
The end of the week comes and just as his eyes promised he ended it, with his end of the bet finished, and her heart broken. Right before school, in front of his friends he breaks her heart, not caring who is watching, only that he keeps his status as the ultra cool guy his friends make him out to be, but secretly no one can stand. As she walks away trying to hold back tears he finally gets up the courage, finally knows what he has been waiting for this entire time. Not someone to take advantage of but someone to rescue, he wanted to be her rescuer, and this would be his time.
He walks up to Mr. Cool and tells him exactly what he thinks of him and his joke, his entire crowd, and what he can do with his bet next time he thinks of one. What does this earn him? It earns him a black eye, bloody nose, and living hell for the rest of his highschool career; but as he is walking away with his bleeding nose, swollen eye, and smile what else does he realize as he and courage walk away with her? He realizes he wins the affections he was never able to express, he wins his girl. And he wins and aims to fix every single, broken, damaged little peice of her heart.
Later that day, after school in the nearly empty hallways he sees her with him talking, she is smiling, and he is smooth talking, all the while his friends are standing off in the distance high-fiving one another and laughing, knowing their bet is going to come to pass soon. Some of going to win money because of her and some will loose some, but either way she'll be the victim in their vicious game.
The next day he sees her with him, hand in hand, her smiling uncontrollably, him? Well, he is only parading her around near his friends, showing that he won the bet, and by the end of the week the bet would be finished. Watching it made his heart ache.
The end of the week comes and just as his eyes promised he ended it, with his end of the bet finished, and her heart broken. Right before school, in front of his friends he breaks her heart, not caring who is watching, only that he keeps his status as the ultra cool guy his friends make him out to be, but secretly no one can stand. As she walks away trying to hold back tears he finally gets up the courage, finally knows what he has been waiting for this entire time. Not someone to take advantage of but someone to rescue, he wanted to be her rescuer, and this would be his time.
He walks up to Mr. Cool and tells him exactly what he thinks of him and his joke, his entire crowd, and what he can do with his bet next time he thinks of one. What does this earn him? It earns him a black eye, bloody nose, and living hell for the rest of his highschool career; but as he is walking away with his bleeding nose, swollen eye, and smile what else does he realize as he and courage walk away with her? He realizes he wins the affections he was never able to express, he wins his girl. And he wins and aims to fix every single, broken, damaged little peice of her heart.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Eyes
Innocence. Happiness. Love. Joy. Peace.
People say, "Eyes are the window to a persons soul." So many things can be seen in a persons eyes.
It's fall, slightly nippy but exactly what this young girl lives for. Her mother calls, asking if she was ready to be picked up from her friends house, she says no, that she loves this weather and she'll walk home. Her mother agrees to let her but tells her to be careful.She promises she will be and leaves her friends home, with her iPod in her ears and a smile so innocent it melts your heart. She steps onto a side road for a shortcut she knows, smiling as she steps on the fallen leaves, inhaling the scent of the decomposing foliage. She pauses for a moment, something isn't right, her stomach is twisting, she can't place it but feels she needs to get back on the road.
As she turns to take the main road she bumps into someone. She apologizes and tries to go around him, but he grabs her shoulder. She looks into his eyes, and a sense of dread fills her. His eyes, something isn't right, there was a look of hatred, pain, lust, and black in his eAyes. She feels like she Can see his soul, it makes her cringe, he grabs her shoulders harder dragging her away from the street light. Into the dark. Where he does the unthinkable.
She runs home, directly into her bathroom. She cries, and looks in the mirror her face is scratched and bleeding. She turns on her shower, as hot as she can stand and steps under the water, scrubbing herself until her skin is red; trying to get him out of her skin. Once in her pajamas, faced cleaned she crawls under her blankets and tries to sleep, but her dreams are littered with images of this man, she silently cries again, crying until she aches. Finally she cries herself into an un-restful, fitful sleep that last until until dawns first light.
She goes into her bathroom and looks at herself, she feels different, she looks different, she looks as though the light from her soul has been extinguished. She has changed, she in no longer the young girl who lights up the people she is around, she is now a young woman who has been hurt, taken advantage of, crushed and extinguished. Her eyes are no longer bright. She is now hiding a secret.
When you look in her eyes, you no longer see peace, love, joy, and innocence. Now you see Pain. Hate. Hurt. Darkness. Ill-Advised Seduction.
What do you see when you look into someones eyes? Do you see Innocence, love, and happiness? Or do you see Pain, darkness, and hatred?
Before you judge someone, look at their eyes, try to see their story, try and look into their heart and soul.
People say, "Eyes are the window to a persons soul." So many things can be seen in a persons eyes.
It's fall, slightly nippy but exactly what this young girl lives for. Her mother calls, asking if she was ready to be picked up from her friends house, she says no, that she loves this weather and she'll walk home. Her mother agrees to let her but tells her to be careful.She promises she will be and leaves her friends home, with her iPod in her ears and a smile so innocent it melts your heart. She steps onto a side road for a shortcut she knows, smiling as she steps on the fallen leaves, inhaling the scent of the decomposing foliage. She pauses for a moment, something isn't right, her stomach is twisting, she can't place it but feels she needs to get back on the road.
As she turns to take the main road she bumps into someone. She apologizes and tries to go around him, but he grabs her shoulder. She looks into his eyes, and a sense of dread fills her. His eyes, something isn't right, there was a look of hatred, pain, lust, and black in his eAyes. She feels like she Can see his soul, it makes her cringe, he grabs her shoulders harder dragging her away from the street light. Into the dark. Where he does the unthinkable.
She runs home, directly into her bathroom. She cries, and looks in the mirror her face is scratched and bleeding. She turns on her shower, as hot as she can stand and steps under the water, scrubbing herself until her skin is red; trying to get him out of her skin. Once in her pajamas, faced cleaned she crawls under her blankets and tries to sleep, but her dreams are littered with images of this man, she silently cries again, crying until she aches. Finally she cries herself into an un-restful, fitful sleep that last until until dawns first light.
She goes into her bathroom and looks at herself, she feels different, she looks different, she looks as though the light from her soul has been extinguished. She has changed, she in no longer the young girl who lights up the people she is around, she is now a young woman who has been hurt, taken advantage of, crushed and extinguished. Her eyes are no longer bright. She is now hiding a secret.
When you look in her eyes, you no longer see peace, love, joy, and innocence. Now you see Pain. Hate. Hurt. Darkness. Ill-Advised Seduction.
What do you see when you look into someones eyes? Do you see Innocence, love, and happiness? Or do you see Pain, darkness, and hatred?
Before you judge someone, look at their eyes, try to see their story, try and look into their heart and soul.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Breaking Through
Waking up every morning to continue your routine: Get up, breathe in breathe out, get dressed, tie shoes, put on make-up, fix hair, grab back pack, go over everything you need, suddenly remember what you forgot. You forgot your mask.
Once out in the day, your walking through the halls, smiling at passersby, forgetting the person you left at home. Slowly forgetting that with every forced smile, every pretend hug, and every fake laugh, the person you really are is saying goodbye little by little, trying to force its way out by being too weak to succeed, and you've won once again. You breathe a sigh of victory, one more day when you've continued being who everyone else expects, wants, and knows you to be. The school bell rings, and you smile bright, a meaningful smile because the bell means one more day done, one more illusion done. Your feelings tired and wishing things could be more simple.
Waking up day after day continuing your routine: Get up, breathe in breathe out, get dressed, tie shoes, put on make-up, fix hair, grab back pack, go over everything, you remember yet again, your mask. Your slowly cracking, fading, breaking mask.
Getting to school, walking through that halls, smiling a fewer passersby. Against your will remembering the person who you left at home, the person you are longing to be back home with, hoping to bring some warmth into your body and not feel so alone in this crowd of people. *Smile, wave, hug, move on* you keep saying to yourself, but your smile is fading, you forget to wave, you need the hug in stead of being the one to give you a hug and you only wish you could move on.
You get home, and you look at your mask as you place it on your shelf, you begin to worry. It's fading, and cracking, and You are beginning to break through. The quiet, shy, un-confident person you are. The person is on the hunt for the perfect horror movie, who loves the weekends of cheesy Sci-fi movies with her favorite people, who can put on your iPod and go through every single genre in the world in less then twenty minutes, the mask hides, that you really do care what people say and it hits you and stays there and that what people say doesn't really roll off your back it stays put. The you that laughs about the stupidest things and cries overbooks. You realized that you is beginning to break through.
The only though running around your mind is "Once my mask breaks, Will anyone notice that I am finally...Breaking Through?"
Once out in the day, your walking through the halls, smiling at passersby, forgetting the person you left at home. Slowly forgetting that with every forced smile, every pretend hug, and every fake laugh, the person you really are is saying goodbye little by little, trying to force its way out by being too weak to succeed, and you've won once again. You breathe a sigh of victory, one more day when you've continued being who everyone else expects, wants, and knows you to be. The school bell rings, and you smile bright, a meaningful smile because the bell means one more day done, one more illusion done. Your feelings tired and wishing things could be more simple.
Waking up day after day continuing your routine: Get up, breathe in breathe out, get dressed, tie shoes, put on make-up, fix hair, grab back pack, go over everything, you remember yet again, your mask. Your slowly cracking, fading, breaking mask.
Getting to school, walking through that halls, smiling a fewer passersby. Against your will remembering the person who you left at home, the person you are longing to be back home with, hoping to bring some warmth into your body and not feel so alone in this crowd of people. *Smile, wave, hug, move on* you keep saying to yourself, but your smile is fading, you forget to wave, you need the hug in stead of being the one to give you a hug and you only wish you could move on.
You get home, and you look at your mask as you place it on your shelf, you begin to worry. It's fading, and cracking, and You are beginning to break through. The quiet, shy, un-confident person you are. The person is on the hunt for the perfect horror movie, who loves the weekends of cheesy Sci-fi movies with her favorite people, who can put on your iPod and go through every single genre in the world in less then twenty minutes, the mask hides, that you really do care what people say and it hits you and stays there and that what people say doesn't really roll off your back it stays put. The you that laughs about the stupidest things and cries overbooks. You realized that you is beginning to break through.
The only though running around your mind is "Once my mask breaks, Will anyone notice that I am finally...Breaking Through?"
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Mr. Heartbreak
She watched him as he walked along the beach with his friends, she felt suddenly as though something had been taken from her. Her breath had been stolen from her lungs while she watched him past, but the more noticeably missing piece was her heart, she felt it leave almost as though when he waved to her he had taken it away from her. She didn't mind though, she found someone who she wanted to be around whether he had her heart or not. He noticed her smiling at him, she was beautiful, exactly his type.
He walked over to her to start a conversation "Hello there, darlin. How are you?"
She stuttered slightly, she was afraid to speak for fear that the butterflies in her stomach would leave, "I-I'm fine, you?" she decided to try and play cool.
"yes, you most certainly are fine." he said, shooting a million dollar smile at her.
she turned to her friend next to her and smiled, bugging out her eyes in an 'omg! I cannot believe this is happening!' sort of way without actually have to say it and make a fool out of herself.
"Are you busy later?" million dollar smile asked.
"Actually, hun, I happen to be so free its unbelievable." she showed him her most flirtatious smile.
"I'll pick you up right over there at seven?" he asked her.
"outstanding." she answered, batting her eyelashes, hoping it looked sexy and not like she had sand in her eyes.
"Wonderful." he picked up her hand and kissed it. "I'll see you at seven my lovely."
"Oh My Gods! I cannot believe it!" her and her best friend squealed after he was far enough away so they couldn't be heard.
She met him at seven just as planned and they had a wonderful time. This continued over a few more weeks, they saw each other more and more, and she was positive that he had won her heart without her knowing, her heart was no longer her it was his and he knew it.
This is exactly what i wanted this summer he thought to himself as the two of them cuddled next to the fire near the beach. one good chase, I'll let her down tomorrow and we will go our separate ways and everything will be perfect.I'll have gotten my chase for the summer and she will have had her summer fling. he smiled to himself as he thought about it.
"I just want to let you know that I have had the best summer of my life with you. I never want it to end." she kissed him and laid her head against his chest.
This will be slightly more difficult then I thought. he said to himself, he was getting attached. He could feel it, his heart was getting lighter and lighter when he was around her, and he knew he had hers. This one was going to be difficult to break, because part of his heart would go with it.
The next morning they met for breakfast and spent the day with each other. He knew the longer he waited the harder it would be, he would do it tonight. Before either of them got more attached. The evening came, which brought her best friend and his boys into the mix. He had planned to do it when they were alone, but it didn't look like it would work out that way, so as they were around yet another fire, their last fire together he was whispering in her ear.
"I'm leaving tomorrow." he said quietly.
"When will you be back?" she asked him
"I won't." he said resting his head on her shoulder.
"What do you mean?" that statement had caused her to sit up and face him.
"I'm am going away, and won't be back." he said, knowing he was sorry but not showing it, not wanting his friends to see his heart was breaking along with her.
"You're not coming back? Ever?" She asked again, he could see the tears gathering in her eyes.
"Right, I'm leaving and not coming back." he confirmed.
"I gave you my heart, and you took it know that you would be leaving with it. That doesnt bother you?"
"No, not really." he lied through the tears gathering in his eyes.
"Then go. Leave now. I don't want to be around you anymore." she hit his chest right near his heart.
As he walking away she called to him one more time. "What is your real name? I only called you by your nickname."
"My name?." he asked, trying to stall.
"Yes, your birth name." she said, getting more and more annoyed.
"Oh, honey, my name is Heart Break."
He walked over to her to start a conversation "Hello there, darlin. How are you?"
She stuttered slightly, she was afraid to speak for fear that the butterflies in her stomach would leave, "I-I'm fine, you?" she decided to try and play cool.
"yes, you most certainly are fine." he said, shooting a million dollar smile at her.
she turned to her friend next to her and smiled, bugging out her eyes in an 'omg! I cannot believe this is happening!' sort of way without actually have to say it and make a fool out of herself.
"Are you busy later?" million dollar smile asked.
"Actually, hun, I happen to be so free its unbelievable." she showed him her most flirtatious smile.
"I'll pick you up right over there at seven?" he asked her.
"outstanding." she answered, batting her eyelashes, hoping it looked sexy and not like she had sand in her eyes.
"Wonderful." he picked up her hand and kissed it. "I'll see you at seven my lovely."
"Oh My Gods! I cannot believe it!" her and her best friend squealed after he was far enough away so they couldn't be heard.
She met him at seven just as planned and they had a wonderful time. This continued over a few more weeks, they saw each other more and more, and she was positive that he had won her heart without her knowing, her heart was no longer her it was his and he knew it.
This is exactly what i wanted this summer he thought to himself as the two of them cuddled next to the fire near the beach. one good chase, I'll let her down tomorrow and we will go our separate ways and everything will be perfect.I'll have gotten my chase for the summer and she will have had her summer fling. he smiled to himself as he thought about it.
"I just want to let you know that I have had the best summer of my life with you. I never want it to end." she kissed him and laid her head against his chest.
This will be slightly more difficult then I thought. he said to himself, he was getting attached. He could feel it, his heart was getting lighter and lighter when he was around her, and he knew he had hers. This one was going to be difficult to break, because part of his heart would go with it.
The next morning they met for breakfast and spent the day with each other. He knew the longer he waited the harder it would be, he would do it tonight. Before either of them got more attached. The evening came, which brought her best friend and his boys into the mix. He had planned to do it when they were alone, but it didn't look like it would work out that way, so as they were around yet another fire, their last fire together he was whispering in her ear.
"I'm leaving tomorrow." he said quietly.
"When will you be back?" she asked him
"I won't." he said resting his head on her shoulder.
"What do you mean?" that statement had caused her to sit up and face him.
"I'm am going away, and won't be back." he said, knowing he was sorry but not showing it, not wanting his friends to see his heart was breaking along with her.
"You're not coming back? Ever?" She asked again, he could see the tears gathering in her eyes.
"Right, I'm leaving and not coming back." he confirmed.
"I gave you my heart, and you took it know that you would be leaving with it. That doesnt bother you?"
"No, not really." he lied through the tears gathering in his eyes.
"Then go. Leave now. I don't want to be around you anymore." she hit his chest right near his heart.
As he walking away she called to him one more time. "What is your real name? I only called you by your nickname."
"My name?." he asked, trying to stall.
"Yes, your birth name." she said, getting more and more annoyed.
"Oh, honey, my name is Heart Break."
Monday, July 19, 2010
Better Days
Gazing out the window at the gray, rain-soaked day she thought of better days, when it seemed heart-break and dreary days didn't rule her life. She clutched her chest at the thought of those better days, it felt like her heart was literally breaking.
Soon, her mother was calling her name; she had a visitor. She peeled herself out of bed and pulled on a pair of huge sweatpants on over her boy-shorts and shuffled the stairs stopping on the landing to adjust her pants before taking the last two steps into the sunken living room and spotted who the guest was. It was Him.
"What are you doing here?" she asked, both shocked and angry. The turning to her mother she looked more visibly angry. "Even worse. Why did you let him in?"
"I don't know, he seemed sincere, he almost started crying and he begged me to let him see you. He pulled on every single one of my heart strings so i let him in." she looked sorry.
"I'm sorry I snapped at you momma," she hugged her. "Can we have some time alone?" she gestured toward him and rolled her eyes.
"Yes, I'll give you some time. By the way, your brother will be home in twenty minutes so if you need someone to help out call him and he will be home in five." she hugged her daughter and kissed her forehead. "I'm going shopping and to diner with some girlfriends from high school, daddy will be home later and diner is in the oven already." she left closing the door behind her.
"Fine, if you feel like you need to waste my time follow me to the kitchen I have stuff to do." she walked away without waiting for an answer.
He followed like a sick puppy. "You are so gorgeous, especially when you walk."
"What exactly do you want Danny?" Ali asked feeling very angry and having the urge to hit him really bad. "I have never been more upset and angry Danny! Honestly I could kill you and feel no remorse."
"You would totally feel remorse." Danny flitted him long brown eyelashes at her.
"No, honestly i totally wouldn't." she paused and added, "I promise."
"Alright, you asked me what I was here for and here it is." he paused and took a deep breath. "I am here to apologize, I want you to take me back." he got really quiet and close to her so he was resting his hands on her hips as he stood behind her while she mixed some fresh cookie dough. "This sounds cliche I know but, I want you to want to be with me."
"Dan, you need to back up and off of me." she stopped stirring and stood scarily still.
"Why, I can tell you like it." he stood closer to her bringing her pressing against him.
"Seriously, back the hell up." she relaxed as he let go of her. "And no, i don't want you back, and I really don't want you in my house."
"Please." he practically begged her. "I won't cheat again, I will be there for you and be there when you need me." she stopped picking up her hands in his. "I promise I will be better, when I was with you everything was good and amazing and beautiful! Those days were better days."
A new found angry ran through her body. "First of all, I didn't know you cheated!" she paused and breathed, watching the new expression that ran across his face. "Second, You broke up with me, remember? Through a text message!" Ali now didn't even attempt to control her voice.
Suddenly, the front door opened and her brother walked in the house and directly into the kitchen and stood as he watched his little sister loose it.
"Alright, I will make you a deal. You get the hell out of my house right now and I won't sick my brother-who happens to be standing directly behind you- and his soccer friends on you."
He stood speechless just starring at her. "Baby, please."
"Don't!" she yelled, now crying causing her voice to crack and him to step closer. "Get away from me. I am not kidding. Get. Out. Of. My. House! You can take your broken promises and shove them where the sun don't shine and oh, don't let the door hit you on the way out."
He looked at her and blinked then slowly turned to leave sheepishly passed her brother who spoke for the first time. Her brother took his should in one hand and shoved him against the wall getting close to his face, and sounding so fierce even Ali was scared. "I swear, if you come back to this house or talk to her during school or do anything other then holding the door for her and you break her heart a third time I will find you and I will kill you."
With that he let go of his shoulder and walked over to his little sister taking her into his arms as she clutched her shirt, soaked his shirt with her tears, and cried over this boy for a second time as she watched Danny and his empty promises of better days walk out the door.
Soon, her mother was calling her name; she had a visitor. She peeled herself out of bed and pulled on a pair of huge sweatpants on over her boy-shorts and shuffled the stairs stopping on the landing to adjust her pants before taking the last two steps into the sunken living room and spotted who the guest was. It was Him.
"What are you doing here?" she asked, both shocked and angry. The turning to her mother she looked more visibly angry. "Even worse. Why did you let him in?"
"I don't know, he seemed sincere, he almost started crying and he begged me to let him see you. He pulled on every single one of my heart strings so i let him in." she looked sorry.
"I'm sorry I snapped at you momma," she hugged her. "Can we have some time alone?" she gestured toward him and rolled her eyes.
"Yes, I'll give you some time. By the way, your brother will be home in twenty minutes so if you need someone to help out call him and he will be home in five." she hugged her daughter and kissed her forehead. "I'm going shopping and to diner with some girlfriends from high school, daddy will be home later and diner is in the oven already." she left closing the door behind her.
"Fine, if you feel like you need to waste my time follow me to the kitchen I have stuff to do." she walked away without waiting for an answer.
He followed like a sick puppy. "You are so gorgeous, especially when you walk."
"What exactly do you want Danny?" Ali asked feeling very angry and having the urge to hit him really bad. "I have never been more upset and angry Danny! Honestly I could kill you and feel no remorse."
"You would totally feel remorse." Danny flitted him long brown eyelashes at her.
"No, honestly i totally wouldn't." she paused and added, "I promise."
"Alright, you asked me what I was here for and here it is." he paused and took a deep breath. "I am here to apologize, I want you to take me back." he got really quiet and close to her so he was resting his hands on her hips as he stood behind her while she mixed some fresh cookie dough. "This sounds cliche I know but, I want you to want to be with me."
"Dan, you need to back up and off of me." she stopped stirring and stood scarily still.
"Why, I can tell you like it." he stood closer to her bringing her pressing against him.
"Seriously, back the hell up." she relaxed as he let go of her. "And no, i don't want you back, and I really don't want you in my house."
"Please." he practically begged her. "I won't cheat again, I will be there for you and be there when you need me." she stopped picking up her hands in his. "I promise I will be better, when I was with you everything was good and amazing and beautiful! Those days were better days."
A new found angry ran through her body. "First of all, I didn't know you cheated!" she paused and breathed, watching the new expression that ran across his face. "Second, You broke up with me, remember? Through a text message!" Ali now didn't even attempt to control her voice.
Suddenly, the front door opened and her brother walked in the house and directly into the kitchen and stood as he watched his little sister loose it.
"Alright, I will make you a deal. You get the hell out of my house right now and I won't sick my brother-who happens to be standing directly behind you- and his soccer friends on you."
He stood speechless just starring at her. "Baby, please."
"Don't!" she yelled, now crying causing her voice to crack and him to step closer. "Get away from me. I am not kidding. Get. Out. Of. My. House! You can take your broken promises and shove them where the sun don't shine and oh, don't let the door hit you on the way out."
He looked at her and blinked then slowly turned to leave sheepishly passed her brother who spoke for the first time. Her brother took his should in one hand and shoved him against the wall getting close to his face, and sounding so fierce even Ali was scared. "I swear, if you come back to this house or talk to her during school or do anything other then holding the door for her and you break her heart a third time I will find you and I will kill you."
With that he let go of his shoulder and walked over to his little sister taking her into his arms as she clutched her shirt, soaked his shirt with her tears, and cried over this boy for a second time as she watched Danny and his empty promises of better days walk out the door.
Contrasts
So there this girl, she is supposed to be a friend, yet she doesn't act that way. She says she'll be there no matter what, she says 'anyone messes with you they will have to deal with me.' but when you need her she isn't there for you. When you need to talk or need someone there for you she magically disappears or she's too busy, he phone died or she didn't hear it ring, but beneath all the excuses you know you don't matter to her.
A boy who said he wanted to be your special someone, the one who made you smile and caused you to laugh. He calls you beautiful and tells you that you're special. But one day after constant communication the communication stops out of the blue, not more talking, he no longer makes you smile, you figure you should be crushed, you should care and you should feel used but...you don't. You could care less because you realize there's someone else. Someone who matters.
A different girl, different in every way. She cares and loves and wants to help. When no one can help or make you smile, she can do it. Caring and there for you like no other, she'd kill to keep you protected no questions asked.
Yet another boy, a tall, shy kind boy. He shyly catches a glimpse of you, just to see what you're doing, to watch you silently, not sneaky but silent just to see you smile. The boy would never hurt you intentionally because he loves your smile.
So, you see these are the contrasts that everyone faces day to day. Some people just notice it more then others.
A boy who said he wanted to be your special someone, the one who made you smile and caused you to laugh. He calls you beautiful and tells you that you're special. But one day after constant communication the communication stops out of the blue, not more talking, he no longer makes you smile, you figure you should be crushed, you should care and you should feel used but...you don't. You could care less because you realize there's someone else. Someone who matters.
A different girl, different in every way. She cares and loves and wants to help. When no one can help or make you smile, she can do it. Caring and there for you like no other, she'd kill to keep you protected no questions asked.
Yet another boy, a tall, shy kind boy. He shyly catches a glimpse of you, just to see what you're doing, to watch you silently, not sneaky but silent just to see you smile. The boy would never hurt you intentionally because he loves your smile.
So, you see these are the contrasts that everyone faces day to day. Some people just notice it more then others.
Disguises
Each and every one of you have your disguises. Some people disguise as a friend or even an enemy but we all wear them. A mask of sorts; hiding out true feelings and emotions.
A girl, disguised as someone confident. Someone who doesn't care what other thinks, someone who doesn't bother trying to impress everyone around her. Under the disguise is a young girl who is scared of what others think about her, scared she is being lied to about what people say and think. She walked the halls with confidence and doesn't falter, in public where people can see. Yet int eh confines of her own home she is different: exciting, loving...herself.
Even in the presence of her family she isn't the same, she puts up her 'school disguise', but when she is around him she is herself. She is smiling, shining, and...herself. He brings out the best in her, making her smile so intense and brightly that the sun is jealous. Nothing competes with the feeling she has when he is around.
So, which one is this girl, what is she really? Is she the confident, showy, flashy girl or is she the slightly scared, but loving and happy girl? I ask myself often who is this girl? Who am I really? Who am I without my disguise?
A girl, disguised as someone confident. Someone who doesn't care what other thinks, someone who doesn't bother trying to impress everyone around her. Under the disguise is a young girl who is scared of what others think about her, scared she is being lied to about what people say and think. She walked the halls with confidence and doesn't falter, in public where people can see. Yet int eh confines of her own home she is different: exciting, loving...herself.
Even in the presence of her family she isn't the same, she puts up her 'school disguise', but when she is around him she is herself. She is smiling, shining, and...herself. He brings out the best in her, making her smile so intense and brightly that the sun is jealous. Nothing competes with the feeling she has when he is around.
So, which one is this girl, what is she really? Is she the confident, showy, flashy girl or is she the slightly scared, but loving and happy girl? I ask myself often who is this girl? Who am I really? Who am I without my disguise?
Forver and Always and Eternity My Love
She gazed upon the scene with tears in her eyes. They were tears of both joy and pain, she was at a wedding for a young man named Dmitri, he was her best friend and the love of her life. She was watching him marry a girl she had never met, she knew nothing about her, she couldn't see her face and didn't even know her name. As she sat and watched the service she suddenly felt a jolt and found herself just waking up and in bed. The entire ordeal had been a horrible nightmare. She smiled as she gazed across the castle style bedroom she was staying in for the wedding and she stared at her dress.
When the time arrived and it came time to stand at the church doors with her father she was smiling uncontrollably beneath her veil, 'this is it.' she thought. 'My new life as his love and wife begins momentarily.' she walked down the isle with her father and he handed her to her lover, husband, caregiver, and protector.
The pastor married them and said the words she had been longing to hear for almost a year: 'till death do you part, as long as you both shall live' and her favorite 'you may now kiss Your bride.' he lifted her veil and softly but passionately kissed her.
"You're mine. Forever and Always and Eternity My Love." he whispered as they walked down the isle to the limo taking them to the reception party. His breath was all that was left to the sentence that was ringing in her mind throughout the entire party, their honeymoon, and the rest of the seventy-three years they spent together.
"You're mine. Forever and Always and Eternity My Love."
When the time arrived and it came time to stand at the church doors with her father she was smiling uncontrollably beneath her veil, 'this is it.' she thought. 'My new life as his love and wife begins momentarily.' she walked down the isle with her father and he handed her to her lover, husband, caregiver, and protector.
The pastor married them and said the words she had been longing to hear for almost a year: 'till death do you part, as long as you both shall live' and her favorite 'you may now kiss Your bride.' he lifted her veil and softly but passionately kissed her.
"You're mine. Forever and Always and Eternity My Love." he whispered as they walked down the isle to the limo taking them to the reception party. His breath was all that was left to the sentence that was ringing in her mind throughout the entire party, their honeymoon, and the rest of the seventy-three years they spent together.
"You're mine. Forever and Always and Eternity My Love."
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Her Time
They knew it was coming, they also new they couldn't do anything about it. Their little girl, sister, and one love had been taken away, taking chunks of their hearts, soul, and lives with her.
When it first happened, when the cancer took her, her mother was in shock, and disbelief unable to cry. She wanted to sob into her husbands arms and follow their daughter into Her Heaven.
Her father, on the other hand, was unable to contain himself standing in his daughter's room watching her as she lay in her bed, not breathing, unmoving. He screamed out in anguish, she had such a magnificent life ahead of her: Love, marriage, children, and not in eighteen years-the blink of an eye-she was gone. Her father sat on the edge of his daughter's bed, holding her crying into her hair until the morticians got there to take her away from him.
Her boyfriend got the phone call as he was driving to see her. He pulled to the side of the road and pumped his stereo so passersby couldn't hears his cries of pain. Six years he had loved her and known she was The One, and now she was gone. He took the small wrapped box out of his jacket pocket and held the ring between his fingers and stared down at the future he had hoped to have with the beautiful creature God had created and was now taken away from him and everyone else who loved her.
Her brother was away when he received the news. His heart broke when he learned his little sister and hero was gone. He came home as soon as he could, reaching their home the afternoon they lost her.
Eight days later at her service the entire neighborhood was surrounding the family to show their love for her and the pain every single person there felt for the family. The day was supposed to be a beautifully weathered spring day-her favorite weather-but the day had started off horrifyingly terrible. Suddenly, her mothers eyes began to tear with the pain and emotions she had not been able to shed until they placed her baby in the ground and had placed her favorite flower before her heart shaped headstone.
Everyone who had wanted to say their parting words did so, when they all heard a plane that broke the deafening silence. When the plane was heard a small patch of sky opened revealing a glorious ray of sun that began dancing over the funeral party. Then the plane flew directly over the, causing them to look up, behind the plane there was a banner advertising a spa called 'Her Heaven'; this brought smiles and tears to the faces and eyes of her mother, father, brother, and boyfriend. It was her final reminder that she would be fine, that she loved them and missed them but, her Lord missed her more and called her home to where he had plans beyond their wildest imaginations and abilities, and above all he had Her Heaven waiting.
When it first happened, when the cancer took her, her mother was in shock, and disbelief unable to cry. She wanted to sob into her husbands arms and follow their daughter into Her Heaven.
Her father, on the other hand, was unable to contain himself standing in his daughter's room watching her as she lay in her bed, not breathing, unmoving. He screamed out in anguish, she had such a magnificent life ahead of her: Love, marriage, children, and not in eighteen years-the blink of an eye-she was gone. Her father sat on the edge of his daughter's bed, holding her crying into her hair until the morticians got there to take her away from him.
Her boyfriend got the phone call as he was driving to see her. He pulled to the side of the road and pumped his stereo so passersby couldn't hears his cries of pain. Six years he had loved her and known she was The One, and now she was gone. He took the small wrapped box out of his jacket pocket and held the ring between his fingers and stared down at the future he had hoped to have with the beautiful creature God had created and was now taken away from him and everyone else who loved her.
Her brother was away when he received the news. His heart broke when he learned his little sister and hero was gone. He came home as soon as he could, reaching their home the afternoon they lost her.
Eight days later at her service the entire neighborhood was surrounding the family to show their love for her and the pain every single person there felt for the family. The day was supposed to be a beautifully weathered spring day-her favorite weather-but the day had started off horrifyingly terrible. Suddenly, her mothers eyes began to tear with the pain and emotions she had not been able to shed until they placed her baby in the ground and had placed her favorite flower before her heart shaped headstone.
Everyone who had wanted to say their parting words did so, when they all heard a plane that broke the deafening silence. When the plane was heard a small patch of sky opened revealing a glorious ray of sun that began dancing over the funeral party. Then the plane flew directly over the, causing them to look up, behind the plane there was a banner advertising a spa called 'Her Heaven'; this brought smiles and tears to the faces and eyes of her mother, father, brother, and boyfriend. It was her final reminder that she would be fine, that she loved them and missed them but, her Lord missed her more and called her home to where he had plans beyond their wildest imaginations and abilities, and above all he had Her Heaven waiting.
Her Heaven
"No. No. No!" The beautiful young girl yelled. "This cannot be happening!" She clutched her mother and father as she screamed through her tears. Her boyfriend and brother stood talking in hushed tones, wearing worried expressions and looks of misplaced emotion on their faces, unable to take it all in, yet not quiet enough to produce tears.
Her fathers thoughts: My perfect little girl, why her? Why?
Her mother's thoughts: My gorgeous baby, not her. Please Lord, not her!
Her brother's pain: No, not her, please don't take away my hero. Don't take my hero.
Her boyfriends heartache: Not her. Not my perfect, gorgeous, amazing girl; my oxygen. Who will i spend the rest of my life with?
Finally she spoke: "I can't do this. I need to be alone." She left the family room without waiting for an answer, her entire head was in a fog as she left her mother, father, brother, boyfriend, and doctor in an iron curtain of agony. she fled to the family library, inhaling her idea of heaven; she took her place amongst the shelves of books on the wall bench against the wall of glass overlooking the lush forest and trickling spring. Resting her head against the wall she slowly drifted into a dream world, a world like no other. Her world. Suddenly, she found herself in front of a cottage surrounded by streams of living, running, water.
The door opened on its own, silently showing the comforting interior of the small two floor cottage. Sh stepped inside, looking hesitantly around the beautiful, peaceful, rustic cottage cottage area that contained a small kitchen, dining, and living room area with two chairs and a couch.
She followed the hallway to a set of narrow stairs that looked as though they were made almost entirely for her. At the top of the stairs the hallway split in two directions: to the right, a small bedroom waited. the room was simple and beautiful with a simple bed and a night stand, near the wall was a cluster of window that made the entire wall look like sure glass; built in the wall was a cushioned bench, much like the one back home in her library. Also in the room was a small closet and a powder room with a sink, toilet, and claw foot tub. To the left of the stairs was a larger room which turned out to be a library which was filled with what looked like a million shelves. Every shelf was filled with so many books thee was no breathing room for anymore to fit.
she left the cottage following the soft, captivating music that sounded like the chorus of a thousand angels, following the music to the side of the house led her to a garden; a garden filled with a thousand colors of her favorite flower. Climbing Roses. the roses surrounded two chairs. The garden was in the middle of a vast, extravagant, green yard, it was closer to a small singing stream. Bringing her attention to the chairs she noticed one was occupied, the second beckoned, called, and mesmerized her.
She sat in the chair, glancing at the man in the chair beside her, he was glorious, beautiful, and...perfect. The man took her hand and his, enveloping the entire thing and spoke to her. "Do not fear, my child, you shall soon be with me."
Then it hit her like a thousand pounds, like a brick. Like the news that her cancer was lethal, this place, this oasis was heaven. Her Heaven. Once the realization sunk in she couldn't stop the smile slowly spreading across her face. Once she knew that she would be in this perfect, peaceful, unblemished, unadulterated,, unbroken, place and it was Her Heaven she slowly began to wake.
She rose from her place in the library, repining her family, boyfriend, and doctor. She hugged her parents, brother, and boyfriend. "Don't worry about me, He is there, waiting. And he has abundant plans for me."
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