Losing It

Emotions, out of control. Unable to contain anything, unable to hide anything, unable to hold herself together, unable to maintain perfection. Mentally she screams as she feels like she's losing her grip on reality, out of control wanting nothing more than the silence of forever but afraid to be alone, afraid to be with herself for any period of time. Hating herself more and more each day because of the monster she feels she is unable to stop herself from becoming.
  Day to day life becomes difficult for her to handle, the smallest of things become practically unbearable. The people around her,the people who love her, she pushes them away, trying to save them from the monster she's becoming. Pushing them away with no avail, only hurting herself, leaving herself bleeding, hurting and devestatingly alone. She knows sooner or later that she will achieve her goal: saving everyone from her...even if she destroys herself trying.
 Alone, alone in her mind, where she has nothing but time, she escapes into a world where everything is perfect, or as close to perfect as she can get. Things are how they used to be, smiling and warm the sun shinning not dreary and cloudy all the time. Her mind, gone from bright and cheery to nothing but dark and anger, despite trying to fix things, she runs out of reasons so smile, she looks around and she sees one million reasons to smile but it takes her too much energy, too much energy to really smile let alone fake a smile to please everyone. Finally she comes to a realization, it's going. Her light, the light from her very being it's going dim and it's going out. And then suddenly she realizes something....she's Losing It

One Final Push

  That one final push, that's all it took. She said it once more, yelled at him to leave that she wasnt what he wanted, through her tears and yelling and screaming for him to go; finally he gave up fighting, if this was what she really wanted he would give it to her. He turned his back, walking away from her and her tears and cries that went straight to his heart, he kept walking not looking back.
  He was out the door and when she realized what she had just done. She had gotten her way. Right? Always telling him to go, to leave her because she wasn't for him, he had walked out the door and she had finally gotten what she had wished, wanted, and screamed for. He was gone. It hit her like a train, or a ton of bricks, right in the chest, she had done it. She drove him away, and this time he wasn't coming back it all rushed in every single detail of all they had ever had: the laughs and love, the memories that would be forever ingrained into her mind never leaving her, the memories were all she had left of him, she wouldn't push those away...she couldn't.
  All it took was that one last push for everything to happen. The tears, pain, and crushing emptiness. It hurt to breathe, she lowered herself to the floor tried to calm herself to make herself breathe all while telling herself this wasnt the last time, she had just one more chance and he would come back later and they would make everything better like they always did. Her head saying it was going to be alright and that she was going to be able to breathe again and the aching, empty pain she was feeling would go away, but in her heart she knew...she was done. She had no more chances, he was gone because he hadn't looked back, he always looked back, but this time was different. He kissed her forehead and held her for a short time as she cried but soon let go of her, walking away not turning back, not looking back and handing her back the heart that once belonged to him, he had held it until that one fatal blow when he let go; turning away and never coming back.
 Not looking back as he accepted his one final push.