Innocence. Happiness. Love. Joy. Peace.
People say, "Eyes are the window to a persons soul." So many things can be seen in a persons eyes.
It's fall, slightly nippy but exactly what this young girl lives for. Her mother calls, asking if she was ready to be picked up from her friends house, she says no, that she loves this weather and she'll walk home. Her mother agrees to let her but tells her to be careful.She promises she will be and leaves her friends home, with her iPod in her ears and a smile so innocent it melts your heart. She steps onto a side road for a shortcut she knows, smiling as she steps on the fallen leaves, inhaling the scent of the decomposing foliage. She pauses for a moment, something isn't right, her stomach is twisting, she can't place it but feels she needs to get back on the road.
As she turns to take the main road she bumps into someone. She apologizes and tries to go around him, but he grabs her shoulder. She looks into his eyes, and a sense of dread fills her. His eyes, something isn't right, there was a look of hatred, pain, lust, and black in his eAyes. She feels like she Can see his soul, it makes her cringe, he grabs her shoulders harder dragging her away from the street light. Into the dark. Where he does the unthinkable.
She runs home, directly into her bathroom. She cries, and looks in the mirror her face is scratched and bleeding. She turns on her shower, as hot as she can stand and steps under the water, scrubbing herself until her skin is red; trying to get him out of her skin. Once in her pajamas, faced cleaned she crawls under her blankets and tries to sleep, but her dreams are littered with images of this man, she silently cries again, crying until she aches. Finally she cries herself into an un-restful, fitful sleep that last until until dawns first light.
She goes into her bathroom and looks at herself, she feels different, she looks different, she looks as though the light from her soul has been extinguished. She has changed, she in no longer the young girl who lights up the people she is around, she is now a young woman who has been hurt, taken advantage of, crushed and extinguished. Her eyes are no longer bright. She is now hiding a secret.
When you look in her eyes, you no longer see peace, love, joy, and innocence. Now you see Pain. Hate. Hurt. Darkness. Ill-Advised Seduction.
What do you see when you look into someones eyes? Do you see Innocence, love, and happiness? Or do you see Pain, darkness, and hatred?
Before you judge someone, look at their eyes, try to see their story, try and look into their heart and soul.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Breaking Through
Waking up every morning to continue your routine: Get up, breathe in breathe out, get dressed, tie shoes, put on make-up, fix hair, grab back pack, go over everything you need, suddenly remember what you forgot. You forgot your mask.
Once out in the day, your walking through the halls, smiling at passersby, forgetting the person you left at home. Slowly forgetting that with every forced smile, every pretend hug, and every fake laugh, the person you really are is saying goodbye little by little, trying to force its way out by being too weak to succeed, and you've won once again. You breathe a sigh of victory, one more day when you've continued being who everyone else expects, wants, and knows you to be. The school bell rings, and you smile bright, a meaningful smile because the bell means one more day done, one more illusion done. Your feelings tired and wishing things could be more simple.
Waking up day after day continuing your routine: Get up, breathe in breathe out, get dressed, tie shoes, put on make-up, fix hair, grab back pack, go over everything, you remember yet again, your mask. Your slowly cracking, fading, breaking mask.
Getting to school, walking through that halls, smiling a fewer passersby. Against your will remembering the person who you left at home, the person you are longing to be back home with, hoping to bring some warmth into your body and not feel so alone in this crowd of people. *Smile, wave, hug, move on* you keep saying to yourself, but your smile is fading, you forget to wave, you need the hug in stead of being the one to give you a hug and you only wish you could move on.
You get home, and you look at your mask as you place it on your shelf, you begin to worry. It's fading, and cracking, and You are beginning to break through. The quiet, shy, un-confident person you are. The person is on the hunt for the perfect horror movie, who loves the weekends of cheesy Sci-fi movies with her favorite people, who can put on your iPod and go through every single genre in the world in less then twenty minutes, the mask hides, that you really do care what people say and it hits you and stays there and that what people say doesn't really roll off your back it stays put. The you that laughs about the stupidest things and cries overbooks. You realized that you is beginning to break through.
The only though running around your mind is "Once my mask breaks, Will anyone notice that I am finally...Breaking Through?"
Once out in the day, your walking through the halls, smiling at passersby, forgetting the person you left at home. Slowly forgetting that with every forced smile, every pretend hug, and every fake laugh, the person you really are is saying goodbye little by little, trying to force its way out by being too weak to succeed, and you've won once again. You breathe a sigh of victory, one more day when you've continued being who everyone else expects, wants, and knows you to be. The school bell rings, and you smile bright, a meaningful smile because the bell means one more day done, one more illusion done. Your feelings tired and wishing things could be more simple.
Waking up day after day continuing your routine: Get up, breathe in breathe out, get dressed, tie shoes, put on make-up, fix hair, grab back pack, go over everything, you remember yet again, your mask. Your slowly cracking, fading, breaking mask.
Getting to school, walking through that halls, smiling a fewer passersby. Against your will remembering the person who you left at home, the person you are longing to be back home with, hoping to bring some warmth into your body and not feel so alone in this crowd of people. *Smile, wave, hug, move on* you keep saying to yourself, but your smile is fading, you forget to wave, you need the hug in stead of being the one to give you a hug and you only wish you could move on.
You get home, and you look at your mask as you place it on your shelf, you begin to worry. It's fading, and cracking, and You are beginning to break through. The quiet, shy, un-confident person you are. The person is on the hunt for the perfect horror movie, who loves the weekends of cheesy Sci-fi movies with her favorite people, who can put on your iPod and go through every single genre in the world in less then twenty minutes, the mask hides, that you really do care what people say and it hits you and stays there and that what people say doesn't really roll off your back it stays put. The you that laughs about the stupidest things and cries overbooks. You realized that you is beginning to break through.
The only though running around your mind is "Once my mask breaks, Will anyone notice that I am finally...Breaking Through?"
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Mr. Heartbreak
She watched him as he walked along the beach with his friends, she felt suddenly as though something had been taken from her. Her breath had been stolen from her lungs while she watched him past, but the more noticeably missing piece was her heart, she felt it leave almost as though when he waved to her he had taken it away from her. She didn't mind though, she found someone who she wanted to be around whether he had her heart or not. He noticed her smiling at him, she was beautiful, exactly his type.
He walked over to her to start a conversation "Hello there, darlin. How are you?"
She stuttered slightly, she was afraid to speak for fear that the butterflies in her stomach would leave, "I-I'm fine, you?" she decided to try and play cool.
"yes, you most certainly are fine." he said, shooting a million dollar smile at her.
she turned to her friend next to her and smiled, bugging out her eyes in an 'omg! I cannot believe this is happening!' sort of way without actually have to say it and make a fool out of herself.
"Are you busy later?" million dollar smile asked.
"Actually, hun, I happen to be so free its unbelievable." she showed him her most flirtatious smile.
"I'll pick you up right over there at seven?" he asked her.
"outstanding." she answered, batting her eyelashes, hoping it looked sexy and not like she had sand in her eyes.
"Wonderful." he picked up her hand and kissed it. "I'll see you at seven my lovely."
"Oh My Gods! I cannot believe it!" her and her best friend squealed after he was far enough away so they couldn't be heard.
She met him at seven just as planned and they had a wonderful time. This continued over a few more weeks, they saw each other more and more, and she was positive that he had won her heart without her knowing, her heart was no longer her it was his and he knew it.
This is exactly what i wanted this summer he thought to himself as the two of them cuddled next to the fire near the beach. one good chase, I'll let her down tomorrow and we will go our separate ways and everything will be perfect.I'll have gotten my chase for the summer and she will have had her summer fling. he smiled to himself as he thought about it.
"I just want to let you know that I have had the best summer of my life with you. I never want it to end." she kissed him and laid her head against his chest.
This will be slightly more difficult then I thought. he said to himself, he was getting attached. He could feel it, his heart was getting lighter and lighter when he was around her, and he knew he had hers. This one was going to be difficult to break, because part of his heart would go with it.
The next morning they met for breakfast and spent the day with each other. He knew the longer he waited the harder it would be, he would do it tonight. Before either of them got more attached. The evening came, which brought her best friend and his boys into the mix. He had planned to do it when they were alone, but it didn't look like it would work out that way, so as they were around yet another fire, their last fire together he was whispering in her ear.
"I'm leaving tomorrow." he said quietly.
"When will you be back?" she asked him
"I won't." he said resting his head on her shoulder.
"What do you mean?" that statement had caused her to sit up and face him.
"I'm am going away, and won't be back." he said, knowing he was sorry but not showing it, not wanting his friends to see his heart was breaking along with her.
"You're not coming back? Ever?" She asked again, he could see the tears gathering in her eyes.
"Right, I'm leaving and not coming back." he confirmed.
"I gave you my heart, and you took it know that you would be leaving with it. That doesnt bother you?"
"No, not really." he lied through the tears gathering in his eyes.
"Then go. Leave now. I don't want to be around you anymore." she hit his chest right near his heart.
As he walking away she called to him one more time. "What is your real name? I only called you by your nickname."
"My name?." he asked, trying to stall.
"Yes, your birth name." she said, getting more and more annoyed.
"Oh, honey, my name is Heart Break."
He walked over to her to start a conversation "Hello there, darlin. How are you?"
She stuttered slightly, she was afraid to speak for fear that the butterflies in her stomach would leave, "I-I'm fine, you?" she decided to try and play cool.
"yes, you most certainly are fine." he said, shooting a million dollar smile at her.
she turned to her friend next to her and smiled, bugging out her eyes in an 'omg! I cannot believe this is happening!' sort of way without actually have to say it and make a fool out of herself.
"Are you busy later?" million dollar smile asked.
"Actually, hun, I happen to be so free its unbelievable." she showed him her most flirtatious smile.
"I'll pick you up right over there at seven?" he asked her.
"outstanding." she answered, batting her eyelashes, hoping it looked sexy and not like she had sand in her eyes.
"Wonderful." he picked up her hand and kissed it. "I'll see you at seven my lovely."
"Oh My Gods! I cannot believe it!" her and her best friend squealed after he was far enough away so they couldn't be heard.
She met him at seven just as planned and they had a wonderful time. This continued over a few more weeks, they saw each other more and more, and she was positive that he had won her heart without her knowing, her heart was no longer her it was his and he knew it.
This is exactly what i wanted this summer he thought to himself as the two of them cuddled next to the fire near the beach. one good chase, I'll let her down tomorrow and we will go our separate ways and everything will be perfect.I'll have gotten my chase for the summer and she will have had her summer fling. he smiled to himself as he thought about it.
"I just want to let you know that I have had the best summer of my life with you. I never want it to end." she kissed him and laid her head against his chest.
This will be slightly more difficult then I thought. he said to himself, he was getting attached. He could feel it, his heart was getting lighter and lighter when he was around her, and he knew he had hers. This one was going to be difficult to break, because part of his heart would go with it.
The next morning they met for breakfast and spent the day with each other. He knew the longer he waited the harder it would be, he would do it tonight. Before either of them got more attached. The evening came, which brought her best friend and his boys into the mix. He had planned to do it when they were alone, but it didn't look like it would work out that way, so as they were around yet another fire, their last fire together he was whispering in her ear.
"I'm leaving tomorrow." he said quietly.
"When will you be back?" she asked him
"I won't." he said resting his head on her shoulder.
"What do you mean?" that statement had caused her to sit up and face him.
"I'm am going away, and won't be back." he said, knowing he was sorry but not showing it, not wanting his friends to see his heart was breaking along with her.
"You're not coming back? Ever?" She asked again, he could see the tears gathering in her eyes.
"Right, I'm leaving and not coming back." he confirmed.
"I gave you my heart, and you took it know that you would be leaving with it. That doesnt bother you?"
"No, not really." he lied through the tears gathering in his eyes.
"Then go. Leave now. I don't want to be around you anymore." she hit his chest right near his heart.
As he walking away she called to him one more time. "What is your real name? I only called you by your nickname."
"My name?." he asked, trying to stall.
"Yes, your birth name." she said, getting more and more annoyed.
"Oh, honey, my name is Heart Break."
Monday, July 19, 2010
Better Days
Gazing out the window at the gray, rain-soaked day she thought of better days, when it seemed heart-break and dreary days didn't rule her life. She clutched her chest at the thought of those better days, it felt like her heart was literally breaking.
Soon, her mother was calling her name; she had a visitor. She peeled herself out of bed and pulled on a pair of huge sweatpants on over her boy-shorts and shuffled the stairs stopping on the landing to adjust her pants before taking the last two steps into the sunken living room and spotted who the guest was. It was Him.
"What are you doing here?" she asked, both shocked and angry. The turning to her mother she looked more visibly angry. "Even worse. Why did you let him in?"
"I don't know, he seemed sincere, he almost started crying and he begged me to let him see you. He pulled on every single one of my heart strings so i let him in." she looked sorry.
"I'm sorry I snapped at you momma," she hugged her. "Can we have some time alone?" she gestured toward him and rolled her eyes.
"Yes, I'll give you some time. By the way, your brother will be home in twenty minutes so if you need someone to help out call him and he will be home in five." she hugged her daughter and kissed her forehead. "I'm going shopping and to diner with some girlfriends from high school, daddy will be home later and diner is in the oven already." she left closing the door behind her.
"Fine, if you feel like you need to waste my time follow me to the kitchen I have stuff to do." she walked away without waiting for an answer.
He followed like a sick puppy. "You are so gorgeous, especially when you walk."
"What exactly do you want Danny?" Ali asked feeling very angry and having the urge to hit him really bad. "I have never been more upset and angry Danny! Honestly I could kill you and feel no remorse."
"You would totally feel remorse." Danny flitted him long brown eyelashes at her.
"No, honestly i totally wouldn't." she paused and added, "I promise."
"Alright, you asked me what I was here for and here it is." he paused and took a deep breath. "I am here to apologize, I want you to take me back." he got really quiet and close to her so he was resting his hands on her hips as he stood behind her while she mixed some fresh cookie dough. "This sounds cliche I know but, I want you to want to be with me."
"Dan, you need to back up and off of me." she stopped stirring and stood scarily still.
"Why, I can tell you like it." he stood closer to her bringing her pressing against him.
"Seriously, back the hell up." she relaxed as he let go of her. "And no, i don't want you back, and I really don't want you in my house."
"Please." he practically begged her. "I won't cheat again, I will be there for you and be there when you need me." she stopped picking up her hands in his. "I promise I will be better, when I was with you everything was good and amazing and beautiful! Those days were better days."
A new found angry ran through her body. "First of all, I didn't know you cheated!" she paused and breathed, watching the new expression that ran across his face. "Second, You broke up with me, remember? Through a text message!" Ali now didn't even attempt to control her voice.
Suddenly, the front door opened and her brother walked in the house and directly into the kitchen and stood as he watched his little sister loose it.
"Alright, I will make you a deal. You get the hell out of my house right now and I won't sick my brother-who happens to be standing directly behind you- and his soccer friends on you."
He stood speechless just starring at her. "Baby, please."
"Don't!" she yelled, now crying causing her voice to crack and him to step closer. "Get away from me. I am not kidding. Get. Out. Of. My. House! You can take your broken promises and shove them where the sun don't shine and oh, don't let the door hit you on the way out."
He looked at her and blinked then slowly turned to leave sheepishly passed her brother who spoke for the first time. Her brother took his should in one hand and shoved him against the wall getting close to his face, and sounding so fierce even Ali was scared. "I swear, if you come back to this house or talk to her during school or do anything other then holding the door for her and you break her heart a third time I will find you and I will kill you."
With that he let go of his shoulder and walked over to his little sister taking her into his arms as she clutched her shirt, soaked his shirt with her tears, and cried over this boy for a second time as she watched Danny and his empty promises of better days walk out the door.
Soon, her mother was calling her name; she had a visitor. She peeled herself out of bed and pulled on a pair of huge sweatpants on over her boy-shorts and shuffled the stairs stopping on the landing to adjust her pants before taking the last two steps into the sunken living room and spotted who the guest was. It was Him.
"What are you doing here?" she asked, both shocked and angry. The turning to her mother she looked more visibly angry. "Even worse. Why did you let him in?"
"I don't know, he seemed sincere, he almost started crying and he begged me to let him see you. He pulled on every single one of my heart strings so i let him in." she looked sorry.
"I'm sorry I snapped at you momma," she hugged her. "Can we have some time alone?" she gestured toward him and rolled her eyes.
"Yes, I'll give you some time. By the way, your brother will be home in twenty minutes so if you need someone to help out call him and he will be home in five." she hugged her daughter and kissed her forehead. "I'm going shopping and to diner with some girlfriends from high school, daddy will be home later and diner is in the oven already." she left closing the door behind her.
"Fine, if you feel like you need to waste my time follow me to the kitchen I have stuff to do." she walked away without waiting for an answer.
He followed like a sick puppy. "You are so gorgeous, especially when you walk."
"What exactly do you want Danny?" Ali asked feeling very angry and having the urge to hit him really bad. "I have never been more upset and angry Danny! Honestly I could kill you and feel no remorse."
"You would totally feel remorse." Danny flitted him long brown eyelashes at her.
"No, honestly i totally wouldn't." she paused and added, "I promise."
"Alright, you asked me what I was here for and here it is." he paused and took a deep breath. "I am here to apologize, I want you to take me back." he got really quiet and close to her so he was resting his hands on her hips as he stood behind her while she mixed some fresh cookie dough. "This sounds cliche I know but, I want you to want to be with me."
"Dan, you need to back up and off of me." she stopped stirring and stood scarily still.
"Why, I can tell you like it." he stood closer to her bringing her pressing against him.
"Seriously, back the hell up." she relaxed as he let go of her. "And no, i don't want you back, and I really don't want you in my house."
"Please." he practically begged her. "I won't cheat again, I will be there for you and be there when you need me." she stopped picking up her hands in his. "I promise I will be better, when I was with you everything was good and amazing and beautiful! Those days were better days."
A new found angry ran through her body. "First of all, I didn't know you cheated!" she paused and breathed, watching the new expression that ran across his face. "Second, You broke up with me, remember? Through a text message!" Ali now didn't even attempt to control her voice.
Suddenly, the front door opened and her brother walked in the house and directly into the kitchen and stood as he watched his little sister loose it.
"Alright, I will make you a deal. You get the hell out of my house right now and I won't sick my brother-who happens to be standing directly behind you- and his soccer friends on you."
He stood speechless just starring at her. "Baby, please."
"Don't!" she yelled, now crying causing her voice to crack and him to step closer. "Get away from me. I am not kidding. Get. Out. Of. My. House! You can take your broken promises and shove them where the sun don't shine and oh, don't let the door hit you on the way out."
He looked at her and blinked then slowly turned to leave sheepishly passed her brother who spoke for the first time. Her brother took his should in one hand and shoved him against the wall getting close to his face, and sounding so fierce even Ali was scared. "I swear, if you come back to this house or talk to her during school or do anything other then holding the door for her and you break her heart a third time I will find you and I will kill you."
With that he let go of his shoulder and walked over to his little sister taking her into his arms as she clutched her shirt, soaked his shirt with her tears, and cried over this boy for a second time as she watched Danny and his empty promises of better days walk out the door.
Contrasts
So there this girl, she is supposed to be a friend, yet she doesn't act that way. She says she'll be there no matter what, she says 'anyone messes with you they will have to deal with me.' but when you need her she isn't there for you. When you need to talk or need someone there for you she magically disappears or she's too busy, he phone died or she didn't hear it ring, but beneath all the excuses you know you don't matter to her.
A boy who said he wanted to be your special someone, the one who made you smile and caused you to laugh. He calls you beautiful and tells you that you're special. But one day after constant communication the communication stops out of the blue, not more talking, he no longer makes you smile, you figure you should be crushed, you should care and you should feel used but...you don't. You could care less because you realize there's someone else. Someone who matters.
A different girl, different in every way. She cares and loves and wants to help. When no one can help or make you smile, she can do it. Caring and there for you like no other, she'd kill to keep you protected no questions asked.
Yet another boy, a tall, shy kind boy. He shyly catches a glimpse of you, just to see what you're doing, to watch you silently, not sneaky but silent just to see you smile. The boy would never hurt you intentionally because he loves your smile.
So, you see these are the contrasts that everyone faces day to day. Some people just notice it more then others.
A boy who said he wanted to be your special someone, the one who made you smile and caused you to laugh. He calls you beautiful and tells you that you're special. But one day after constant communication the communication stops out of the blue, not more talking, he no longer makes you smile, you figure you should be crushed, you should care and you should feel used but...you don't. You could care less because you realize there's someone else. Someone who matters.
A different girl, different in every way. She cares and loves and wants to help. When no one can help or make you smile, she can do it. Caring and there for you like no other, she'd kill to keep you protected no questions asked.
Yet another boy, a tall, shy kind boy. He shyly catches a glimpse of you, just to see what you're doing, to watch you silently, not sneaky but silent just to see you smile. The boy would never hurt you intentionally because he loves your smile.
So, you see these are the contrasts that everyone faces day to day. Some people just notice it more then others.
Disguises
Each and every one of you have your disguises. Some people disguise as a friend or even an enemy but we all wear them. A mask of sorts; hiding out true feelings and emotions.
A girl, disguised as someone confident. Someone who doesn't care what other thinks, someone who doesn't bother trying to impress everyone around her. Under the disguise is a young girl who is scared of what others think about her, scared she is being lied to about what people say and think. She walked the halls with confidence and doesn't falter, in public where people can see. Yet int eh confines of her own home she is different: exciting, loving...herself.
Even in the presence of her family she isn't the same, she puts up her 'school disguise', but when she is around him she is herself. She is smiling, shining, and...herself. He brings out the best in her, making her smile so intense and brightly that the sun is jealous. Nothing competes with the feeling she has when he is around.
So, which one is this girl, what is she really? Is she the confident, showy, flashy girl or is she the slightly scared, but loving and happy girl? I ask myself often who is this girl? Who am I really? Who am I without my disguise?
A girl, disguised as someone confident. Someone who doesn't care what other thinks, someone who doesn't bother trying to impress everyone around her. Under the disguise is a young girl who is scared of what others think about her, scared she is being lied to about what people say and think. She walked the halls with confidence and doesn't falter, in public where people can see. Yet int eh confines of her own home she is different: exciting, loving...herself.
Even in the presence of her family she isn't the same, she puts up her 'school disguise', but when she is around him she is herself. She is smiling, shining, and...herself. He brings out the best in her, making her smile so intense and brightly that the sun is jealous. Nothing competes with the feeling she has when he is around.
So, which one is this girl, what is she really? Is she the confident, showy, flashy girl or is she the slightly scared, but loving and happy girl? I ask myself often who is this girl? Who am I really? Who am I without my disguise?
Forver and Always and Eternity My Love
She gazed upon the scene with tears in her eyes. They were tears of both joy and pain, she was at a wedding for a young man named Dmitri, he was her best friend and the love of her life. She was watching him marry a girl she had never met, she knew nothing about her, she couldn't see her face and didn't even know her name. As she sat and watched the service she suddenly felt a jolt and found herself just waking up and in bed. The entire ordeal had been a horrible nightmare. She smiled as she gazed across the castle style bedroom she was staying in for the wedding and she stared at her dress.
When the time arrived and it came time to stand at the church doors with her father she was smiling uncontrollably beneath her veil, 'this is it.' she thought. 'My new life as his love and wife begins momentarily.' she walked down the isle with her father and he handed her to her lover, husband, caregiver, and protector.
The pastor married them and said the words she had been longing to hear for almost a year: 'till death do you part, as long as you both shall live' and her favorite 'you may now kiss Your bride.' he lifted her veil and softly but passionately kissed her.
"You're mine. Forever and Always and Eternity My Love." he whispered as they walked down the isle to the limo taking them to the reception party. His breath was all that was left to the sentence that was ringing in her mind throughout the entire party, their honeymoon, and the rest of the seventy-three years they spent together.
"You're mine. Forever and Always and Eternity My Love."
When the time arrived and it came time to stand at the church doors with her father she was smiling uncontrollably beneath her veil, 'this is it.' she thought. 'My new life as his love and wife begins momentarily.' she walked down the isle with her father and he handed her to her lover, husband, caregiver, and protector.
The pastor married them and said the words she had been longing to hear for almost a year: 'till death do you part, as long as you both shall live' and her favorite 'you may now kiss Your bride.' he lifted her veil and softly but passionately kissed her.
"You're mine. Forever and Always and Eternity My Love." he whispered as they walked down the isle to the limo taking them to the reception party. His breath was all that was left to the sentence that was ringing in her mind throughout the entire party, their honeymoon, and the rest of the seventy-three years they spent together.
"You're mine. Forever and Always and Eternity My Love."
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